The Merry Adventures of Seu Mary!
by flo-bizet
Summary: Anti mary sue fic. The incredibly perfect, beautiful, talented, powerful but with a dark past Seu Mary joins the Sanzo party! Whee! How long will it take for Sanzo to kill her? Read the warnings, btw!
1. Hit and Runs Should be Legalized

**A/N: **Well, it's a three day weekend for me, "Sweet Child O' Mine" is going through my ears, I have relatives over, it's incredibly ominous outside with dark clouds, and there is a bunch of heavy machinery in my backyard doing God knows what and making it feel as though we are in the middle of a prolonged earthquake. Perfect time for writing, no?

A few **WARNINGS: **1.) This fic does make fun of OC's, but I apologize if anyone is offended by this. This is all in fun, and I mean no ill will. There are actually a few that I really like. I just noticed that there seemed to be a large amount of OC's in the Saiyuki section, so this just came to mind after a thought about a WWF Saiyuki Smack Down (don't ask how that turned into what you are about to read). 2.) My style is a bit "awkward" as some reviewer put it, but in other words, I just write what exactly (and I mean EXACTLY) what comes to mind. As another way of putting it, it's similar to that of Catcher in the Rye (it's a good book! Read it! And I think I just screwed up the title…). Basically what I'm saying is I hope that it doesn't bother anyone out there. Don't know why it would, but there are some royal pricks out there, so yeah…

**Disclaimer: **I don't understand why I have to do this, but I'm afraid I'll get in trouble if I don't. I do not own any of Saiyuki, -insert your own clever comment-.

Hope you enjoy!

Chapter 1: Hit and Runs Should be Legalized

It was the typical day of driving for the Sanzo-ikkou, what with Gojyo and Goku arguing, Hakkai trying to calm them down, and Sanzo threatening double homicide and coming very close to committing it. What the argument was about was anybody's guess. All Sanzo knew was that he was going to eventually have to end it if they didn't shut up.

"Now, now," Hakkai was saying. "I'm sure that Gojyo is very sorry for whatever he did, Goku."

"Why me!" Gojyo yelled. "It was the stupid monkey who started it!"

"What!" Goku yelled back. "It was all the perverted kappa's fault!"

"What did you say, you little shit?"

They need to get some new material, Sanzo thought while loading his gun.

"That's enough!" he finally said. "If you two don't shut up in the next five seconds, I swear I will-!"

"SQUIRREL!" somebody screamed.

The sudden annoying high pitched sound jerked Hakkai out of his peace making attempts and turned him into Hakkai: Protector of Small Woodland Creatures (1). Thinking quickly, he swerved to the side and out of the road, making sure the squirrel didn't have any buddies waiting for him on the other side so as not to make the squirrel a lonely little orphan. However, this was at the risk of Sanzo, Goku, Gojyo, and Hakuryu's lives, not to mention the entire world's since they all had that whole mission from the gods thing going on.

After about one minute of group unconsciousness, everyone slowly woke up to find themselves scattered in a ten foot radius, ranging from still in the jeep, to up in a tree in Goku's case.

Gojyo was the first to speak. "What the hell, Hakkai?"

"I'm terribly sorry," Hakkai said. "But I was afraid to hit the squirrel. I didn't, did I?"

"No," Goku said, while hanging upside down by his pants. "But it looks like you did hit some chick."

"Whoops."

"What?" Gojyo said. "You care more for a squirrel than a helpless young girl?"

"Well, no, but I'm just curious as to how. I didn't see her at all."

"Maybe you were too focused on the damn squirrel!"

"Who cares," Sanzo said making his way back to Hakuryu. "Let's just get out of here before she wakes up. I sure as hell am not paying for the law suit!"

"But she's hurt!" Hakkai objected. "Besides, if she found out it was us who hit her, it'd cost even more since hit and runs are kind of illegal."

That stopped Sanzo dead in his tracks. "Fine! Just go get her so we can go already! We'll look at her wounds when we get a place to stay in the next town."

Two guys carrying the lump of a girl, one monkey screaming to be let down, and three bullets later, the Sanzo-ikkou were well on their merry way to the next destination.

It was surprisingly quiet, much to one sexy monk's pleasure. It's amazing how having a girl laying across two loud mouth bastard's laps can keep them quiet. Sanzo was actually contemplating having Hakkai run over girls more often, just so they can have this beautiful silence repeated. Well, all good things must come to an end, sadly.

About fifteen minutes into the drive, the girl began to slowly regain consciousness. Hakkai stopped, and everybody, except Sanzo, watched as the girl opened her perfectly blue eyes that reflected her emotional turmoil. But I'll get into that later.

"Hey," Gojyo said, quickly turning on the charm. "You hit your head pretty hard back there. You okay?"

"Oh, dear," she said, struggling greatly to sit up. She immediately fell back down, her long, raven black hair spreading out perfectly upon Goku's lap. "What happened?"

"Hakkai ran over you," Sanzo said, lighting up a cigarette to show how much he cared about her.

"Hakkai?" She donned a look of confusion that seemed to be very cute, considering Gojyo, Goku, and Hakkai all blushed.

"Um, that would be me," Hakkai spoke up. He was doing that thing where he rubs the back of his head while grinning sheepishly. One would think that it was because he was embarrassed about caring more for a rodent than a human, but me thinks it be something else.

"So," Goku started, "what's your name and story?"

"My name?" she said, as if it was the beginning of some long monologue… oh gods. "My name is Seu Mary. My story is one of much pain and torment. For I am an unique individual who is constantly wanted by all. It's horrible, really. No matter where I go, everyone is always after me. If only I didn't have this accursed power of mine, that is greater than all other powers. Why? Why? WHY?"

"Would you shut up already?" Sanzo snapped. "Hakkai, we could have been driving instead of listening to this crap! Get going!"

"Sanzo!" Gojyo shouted. "How dare you treat such a lovely young girl so harshly!"

"I agree with Gojyo," Hakkai said. "She's had a long day."

"Yeah!" Goku said. "Geez, Sanzo! You need to be more nicer, ya' know?"

Sanzo just sat there, too shocked and pissed off to properly do anything. He would have expected Gojyo to defend this chick and maybe Hakkai if he was feeling brave, but Goku? Goku seemed to accept the fact that Sanzo was an asshole to everything that moved and quite a few things that didn't. So why did he feel the need to stick up for this girl? He could have said some things that were way worse than his original statement. He'd have to set things straight later. Along with have Hakkai work more with Goku on grammar.

The next half hour was filled with the three idiots gushing over Seu Mary and telling her all of what their journey was about, along with a few personal things that Sanzo REALLY wished were kept personal. He was about to either kill everybody or jump out of the jeep in hopes of the fall killing him (which would then, of course, lead to the jeep exploding by some freak accident), when Gojyo asked the question that would cause a change in everything.

"So, where you headin'?"

"India," Seu said, a far away look in her eyes. "You see, my small village selected me for my great power to go and destroy that big demon… guy…"

"Gyumaoh?" Hakkai offered.

"Yeah! Him!"

"Then how about you travel with us?" Goku asked.

Sanzo nearly swallowed his cigarette, burning butt and all. "What?" he asked with as much calm in his voice as possible, but failing miserably.

"Oh, I couldn't possibly!" Seu said.

"I think that that's a great idea!" Hakkai said. "You could contribute so much to our group!"

"I know I could!"

Damn bitch! Sanzo thought. "Hey!" he finally spoke up. "Since when do you guys make decisions without first consulting me? I forbid this!"

"You 'forbid' it?" Gojyo said. "What are you, our master?"

"Yes!"

"It's okay, Sanzo," Seu began. "I can tell that you're upset about me joining, being a girl and all. I'm sure that it will take you a long time to get used to me. I… I just hope that you will except me into your heart."

"What?"

"What a wonderful girl!" Goku said. "She can do no wrong!"  
"Goku! How many times have I told you NOT to eat the mushrooms in the forest?"

"Huh? What are you talking about, Sanzo? Are you sick, or something?"

"He has been acting pretty strange ever since Seu came along," Gojyo whispered to Hakkai, even though with such a close distance between everyone whispering never really worked out as one hoped.

"I think that he's perfectly fine," Hakkai answered, also "whispering." "If I had to guess, I'd say that Sanzo was in L-O-V-E!"

"I'm not like the stupid monkey!" Sanzo shouted. "I can spell, dumbass!"

"Stop fighting over me! Please!" Seu screeched, making Hakkai immediately stop driving to help comfort the now sobbing Seu Mary.

Sanzo, of course, would have no part in it. He was too busy wondering what the hell was wrong with everyone. They immediately accepted this stranger into their group without any knowledge about her even though she said her past was full of "pain and torment," they didn't know what her "great power" was, and worst of all, they completely ignored his obvious pissed off-ness! The nerve of those jerk offs!

While Sanzo wallowed in his annoyance, the others were busy trying to make Seu feel better about supposedly causing them to fight over her. The poor girl was delusional!

"Aw, come on," Gojyo was saying. "Is there anything we can do for you, beautiful?"

"Yes, we would like nothing more than to make you feel better!" Hakkai added.

"Well," Seu sniffed while attempting to look cute with a pout, "I would like some fruit."

"Can do!" Goku exclaimed, followed by him leaping out and into the forest with Hakkai and Gojyo close behind.

That left the great Genjo Sanzo alone with Seu Mary. For quite some time the only movement was Sanzo's eyebrow twitching. He could have lived with this, but it seemed like this girl was too dense to understand a royal prick when she sees one.

"Sanzo?" she said. No response. Thinking that if she made physical contact, it might make the monk want to talk, she gently placed her hand on Sanzo's shoulder and immediately felt him tense up at the sudden body warmth.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Sanzo said with a low and dangerous voice.

"It's okay, Sanzo. I understand."

"Huh?"

"Shhhh. Don't speak. I can tell that you are a beautiful soul and I understand what you must be feeling right now. For I, too, have the burden of carrying a sacred scripture." She looked away to add dramatic affect to her announcement.

Sanzo looked at her and her skimpy outfit. It consisted of green hot pants covering the lower part of her perfectly shaped hips and thighs. A bright red sash was wrapped around her waist, and her top looked like a very loose blue kimono that was missing the sleeves and the bottom part. She also seemed to be missing a bra for her overly large breasts (poor Sanzo). Basically, not many places to hide a sacred scripture. Not to mention there was no chakra on her forehead.

"Which one is it?" Sanzo asked.

"E-excuse me?"

"The scripture. Which one is it, and where is it?"

Seu stared at him before laughing and waving off his question with her hand. "Oh ho ho ho! Silly Sanzo! Of course I don't carry the scripture around with me! That would be foolish!" -Sanzo began to feel a vein in his neck throbbing.- "I keep it safe by hiding it in a different dimension that I open up using my extreme chi energy!"

"Oh, really? Well, which scripture is it then?"

Another pause. And then-

"Oh ho ho ho! I can't tell you that! Who knows what demons may be lurking in the shadows wanting to steal it! And we really can't have that, since the one I am entrusted with is the most important!"

Sanzo was about to give her a pretty good reality check when he heard the other three returning from their fruity adventure. They quickly gave her their offerings and clambered back into Hakuryu, all the while chit chatting none stop with Seu.

Meanwhile, Sanzo bit the bullet. He would have to take care of her later, once everyone else was either out of whatever high they were on or at least out somewhere. In the mean time, he would just accept the same fact he had with Goku: you can't fix stupid.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

1.) Hakkai is SO a protector of peaceful woodland creatures! That whole bear episode is a good example. Damn, those were ugly bears!

A/N: So that was chapter one! Hope it didn't insult anyone. I don't think that there is a fan fiction out there where the Mary Sue has a sacred scripture, but it does seem like something someone would write for an OC.

You know what to do!

Please drop a review!

And I do like CONSTRUCTIVE criticism. Good day, all!


	2. Suicide or Homicide? Both Look Good

A/N: This is probably the fastest update I've ever done. No, wait. For my first multi-chapter that I completed, I had all the chapters ready to go. But you don't care. You want to read more Mary Sue bashing, correct? Of course ya' do.

Warnings: 1.) There's a joke about PMS in this chapter, but I'm a chick so it's all good. 2.) There is also much use of the f-bomb in this chapter, so sorry if it offends anyone!

Disclaimer: Seriously. I've already done this! Do I need this in a multi-chapter? Whatever. I do not own Saiyuki.

Recap: When we last left Seu Mary-san, she had joined the Sanzo-ikkou and quickly gained everyone's admiration for her just being her! However, Sanzo is still cold to her. Will she be able to melt his heart? Of course! She's the great Seu Mary!

Ch. 2 Suicide or Homicide? Both Look Good

Five. Freaking. Hours.

Five freaking hours of driving.

Five freaking hours of organized conversation.

Five freaking hours of Seu Mary.

Somebody had to die. Can you guess who that was? If not, then you have not properly read this story and need to go back to chapter one.

Seu was too busy telling everybody and their mother about her life story to notice Sanzo's spastic twitching. "And so then my fourth step-mother was killed in a tragic case of self combustion followed by my seventh step-father, who was a youkai which makes me part youkai, being killed by his evil twin brother who is human but was jealous that he didn't get to take care of me and my sixth step-father did. Then-!"

"For the love of all that is sacred, shut the fuck up, bitch!" Sanzo said.

"Sanzo!" Hakkai, Gojyo, and Goku exclaimed.

Sanzo was fully aware that he would get that response from those three bastards. He had for the last five freaking hours. He just thought that maybe they would finally remember who they were dealing with. Sadly they didn't.

"Poor Sanzo-chan," Seu cooed. "I feel so sorry for you!"

As the hairs on the back of Sanzo's neck pricked up, he responded through gritted teeth, "If you say one more word to me, I will personally see to your draw and quartering!"

"Sanzo!" the three idiots repeated.

Holding her hand up as if she were some Buddha, Seu said, "No," gaining everybody's, except Sanzo's (duh), undivided attention. "You should not be angry at Sanzo. This is all my fault!" She then proceeded to cry her eyes out, earning our idiot's concern.

"Attention whore," Sanzo muttered.

"As I was saying," –the girl seemed to have recovered pretty quickly. Must have been mood swings from PMS- "we need to understand what Sanzo-chan is going through right now."

"Which is?" Gojyo said.

"His little group is being taken over by a female and that is making him insecure with his own masculinity, of course." Of course.

"That does it!" Sanzo spun around in one quick motion and pointed his gun directly between Seu's eyes. "You have five seconds to give me one good, and I mean damn good, reason to let you live! Five!"

"I have a horribly, unmentionable past, just like you guys!"

"Four!"

"I'm a strong, independent woman who plays by nobody's rules but my own!"

"Three!"

"I'm an original!"

"Two!"

"I'm naturally pretty!"

"One-!"

"Oh, look," Hakkai interrupted. "It seems we've arrived in the town already."

Knowing that a bloody corpse wasn't the best way to enter a town if you were planning on staying there for a few days, Sanzo (with great difficulty) put away his gun and sat back down. Besides, he needed cigarettes like a nobody's business. He had gone through his last full pack during their driving so as to refrain from killing anybody/everybody. The urge had gotten stronger for some unknown reason. Curious.

"What a cute little town," Seu commented. "I hope they have good food! I'm starving!"

Goku's eyes immediately lit up after her statement. "Really!" he said, excitement clear in his voice.

"Uh-huh! Most of the time I eat everything on the menu twice!"

"I normally eat all that four or five times!"

"Did I say twice? I meant, um, ten times!"

"Wow! Sanzo! Did you hear that!"

"Ch," was all Sanzo was going to add to this. Did you honestly believe he would bring himself down to such a level as conversing with a monkey and a hoe on food? Anyway, Sanzo didn't have to turn around to see Seu with a proud smile on her face as Goku gushed over her and the supposed four stomach chamber she possessed. The cow.

"I'm going to get some cigarettes and ammo," Sanzo announced. "And if things keep going in the same direction, probably some nausea medication, as well."

"Uh-huh," only Hakkai said.

"I don't know what might happen… drug stores are pretty dangerous, ya' know…" (1)

"Sure thing."

"… I'm taking the gold card with me…"

"Okay, bye!"

Son of a bitch! Sanzo thought. They could at least look at me when speaking or being spoken to instead of drooling all over that damn slut! How dare those dumb asses ignore me like that!

If there was one thing Sanzo hated more than the entire world, it was being ignored by that world when he actually felt like acknowledging said world. True, these instances were few and far between, but that was not the point! The point was, he was pissed, out of bullets, and nobody was running away pissing their pants! Poor Sanzo.

So off he ventured, making sure to glare at every object under the sun, and also the shade. However, it didn't take very long for Sanzo to realize that he was being followed. Deciding that his best option was to lead this guy to some place less populated so as to not waste his bullets on bothersome civilians, he didn't acknowledge them. Of course, he first had to buy those bullets.

As if on cue, a drug store came into view.

They're still following me, he thought as he purchased his kicks.

Now with his bullets and out of the store, he reloaded his gun as quick as a greased pig slipping out of a farm boy's hand, and did a 180 to face the sorry soul who dared to follow him, only to be faced with a fate worse than death: Seu Mary smiling at him. Damn it.

"Hi!" she screeched.

Sanzo actually felt a tiny pang of sorrow for the dogs at that moment.

Not lowering his gun, he said, "Why did you follow me?"

"You looked so lonely! Also, I sensed an evil presence around you, and I knew that there would be no possible way for you to defend yourself because of how strong it felt, so I'm here to save you!"

"Okay, one: I'm freakin' Genjo Sanzo! There's ALWAYS an evil presence surrounding me! And two: who the hell do you think you are to assume that I can't take care of my damn self! Huh, bitch!"

"Why are you so cruel to me!" And there went the majority of the water in her body. Sadly, she wasn't crying enough to dehydrate herself to the point of death. What a pity.

The thing about a crying girl in public is that it attracts attention. And as we all know, Sanzo hates public attention unless it's people getting the hell out of his way. So of course, people began staring at him and whispering things.

"Is that a Sanzo priest?"

"Yeah, but why is he with that crying girl?"

"I don't know, but I'm more worried about why he's holding a gun."

"He might be an imposter."

"You're right! Who would make such a beautiful and obviously sweet, though I have no way of knowing this for sure, girl cry?"

"A horrible criminal, that's what!"

"I say we kill him!"

"Yeah!"

The town seemed to be full of psychopaths. Sanzo quickly noticed this, and made sure to escape the growing angry mob, and put in much comical shenanigans that are too much of filler material to print on my name. Therefore, mandatory scene change!

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

"In the name of all –gasp- that is holy, –gasp- and I can do that –gasp- because I'm a freakin' priest, –gasp- I pray you burn, -gasp- bitch!" Do you really need me to tell you who said that?

"Oh?" Seu said. The girl was completely fine because of how physically fit she was. I mean, you can't have a fat girl in the Sanzo-ikkou, now can you? "Just to let you know, we've now gone out of the town and soon, evil demons shall come to steal my scripture."

"Just what do you mean by, 'your scripture'?"

"Well, why would they be after yours? MINE is the most important."

"I'm going to ask you again, now. What is your scripture?"

"And I'm going to tell you again, now. I can't tell you because somebody might over hear me and want to steal it. I've also already said that demons are coming soon, so I really can't be-"

"I don't give a rat's ass! Don't you understand that it doesn't matter whether or not you say it's name or not! You're still announcing to the entire fucking world that you have the most powerful fucking scripture!"

"Yes, but they still can't get to it because of my-"

"Different dimension only accessible through your damn chi energy, I KNOW! You just told it to me a few hours ago, and then a million more fucking times after that!"

"Sanzo-chan! Watch your language!"

"I'll talk however the fuck I want, bitch!"

"Sanzo!" some random demon yelled. "Give us the scripture!"

Sanzo didn't even turn around. He merely shot the one he heard over his shoulder, the demon's screams indicating he hit the intentional target, or at least one of his comrades. It didn't really matter. He peered back and saw only two other demons alive. Seemed to be just a gang that were in over their heads. Whatever. That still didn't mean Sanzo would let them live.

"What about me?" Seu said, her pride bruised.

"What about you?" demon number two said.

"Didn't you just hear me saying that I have the most powerful scripture out of all of the scriptures?"

"We're not supposed to look for the other scriptures, man."

"Yeah," demon number three added. "We're just ordered to get the one Sanzo's carrying."

"By who?" Seu demanded.

"Uh, that Lady Koushu chick."

"Then I guess you'll just have to go and inform her of me, now won't you?"

"Hey, girly, you just paid us to attack! NOT to steal anything from you and then be your messenger boys! And you never said that you wanted us to attack you specifically."

"You did WHAT?" Sanzo suddenly shouted. He emphasized this by shooting the two other demons. Looking at it, it did actually make sense as to why there were only three demons attacking. Sanzo guessed that Seu didn't charge much, therefore didn't have enough money to pay for a full army of demons.

Turning his menacing glare on the whore before him, Sanzo growled, "I have jut about had it, no, I've already had it with you! Prepare to die!"

"You can't kill me!" Seu objected. "I have to die in some dire scenario in order to save you guys!"

Completely ignoring her "logic," Sanzo let loose hell's fury on her and filled her with bullet holes. Her screams were heard as mere whines as she was repeatedly shot over and over and over. Even when she was on the ground, not even twitching, Sanzo used up his remaining bullets in his gun on her. (2)

He then kicked her to make sure she was really dead, and looked at her for a few seconds.

While leaving, her muttered, "Well, now she really does look like a Sanzo priest, what with that hole in her forehead."

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

Upon entering the restaurant he had left his three traveling companions, Sanzo was greeted by a flustered Gojyo right in his face.

"Where the hell have you been!" he shouted. "Give us the damn gold card, ya' corrupted monk!"

"Back off!" Sanzo shouted back. "Maybe you should have thought of that instead of drooling all over that annoying little hoe!"

"Huh? What are you talking about? There hasn't been a decent girl for me in this town ever since we got here. Now just gimme the card before we're stuck washing dishes!"

"What are YOU talking about! You and those other two dumb asses were drooling all over her the entire way here!"

"Once again, Sanzo, I don't know what you're talking about. You high or something?"

"No!"

"Oh! Sanzo!" Hakkai said as he walked out of the kitchen with an apron on. "Thank goodness you're here! You have the gold card, right?"

"… Yes. Hakkai, I trust your intelligence most of the time. Do you remember a girl with us, by chance?"

"Why, no. It's just been us four all day. Gojyo hasn't even find someone to flirt with."

"Damn straight," Gojyo felt like adding.

"You've gotta be kidding me!" Sanzo said. "You don't remember any girl dressed up like she was some slutty wannabe warrior following us around and having you guys acting like she was a freakin' goddess?"

"Hey, I would have remembered a girl like that, man!"

"I agree," Hakkai said. "Are you okay, Sanzo? Maybe you should sit down… After giving us the card."

Sanzo sat down as suggested, after handing Gojyo the card, with a confused look in his eyes. He knew he hadn't imagined such a creature. His mind was messed up, but not THAT messed up.

"Goku!" Hakkai called after paying for their previous meal. "Sanzo came back and we've paid now, so we can go!"

"Great!" Goku said as he walked out of the kitchen. "Oh, hey! I want you guys to meet someone. Come on!" Sanzo, Gojyo, and Hakkai's eyes all followed to who Goku was talking to. Sanzo nearly died. "This is Seu Mary! She said that she has no place to go because her parents were killed in front of her eyes and now she is being hunted down for her immense beauty and power. Can she travel with us?"

Seu Mary bowed her head and said, "It would be a great honor to travel with you four. I know that I can add so much to this little group and have all of you realize your true feelings!"

"Huh?" Gojyo and Hakkai said.

"Isn't she great?" Goku said, beaming.

Sanzo finally found his voice and said with a sigh, "Oh, fuck me."

TBC

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

1.) Yes, I know that sounds very pansy-ish on Sanzo's part, sorry! But I couldn't think of anything else to have him say. I wanted three things.

2.) Woo! That was violent! It didn't feel right for me to just say, "Sanzo shot her… And she died," ya' know?

A/N-random ramble: And that was chapter two! It's cold. Which is saying a lot since I live in freakin' GEORGIA! But I'm shivering and my cat has just buried himself under my covers. That always says that it's beginning to get chilly. And it does not help that my room is oddly colder than all the other rooms in this house!

Anyway, hope you liked this one! And I got the whole Seu returning idea from one of my reviews. Thanks and credit goes to Cyh Scaevola! Hope you didn't mind! Also to chaosbfly and jipyu! Thanks for the reviews! Now then:

You know what to do!

Please drop a review!

As always, CONSTRUCTIVE criticism is welcomed with cookies fresh from the oven!


	3. Who does that Bitch Think she is?

**A/N:** Inspiration is a floodin' from my head! **Thank you's go to all of my reviewers!**

**Warnings**: 1.) It's currently gotten to the point of just language, but if you're here to read a goody goody story (not that those are bad, some of them are my favorites), then you should have stopped at chapter two, at the latest. 2.) SHOOOOORT chapter.

**Disclaimer**: This is going to be my last one, 'cause I think I only need it at the first chapter. I don't own Saiyuki, but if I did –noun- would –verb- -noun-.

**Recap**: When we last left our wonderful heroine, she had miraculously come back to life to rejoin the Sanzo-ikkou because she knew they would not be able to handle anything without her! Goku seems to be smitten with her, as we saw in the latest chapter of "The Merry Adventures of Seu Mary!" Let's continue!

Chapter 3: Who does that Bitch Think she is?

"Hey, Sanzo?" Goku said. "Are you okay? You don't look so good."

Sanzo was not good, neither physically or mentally. The shock of seeing Seu Mary, whom he had presumed he had sent to the fiery world from whilst she came, had caused our poor sexy monk to go into a mental shut down, while his body was coming very close to throwing up (he had forgotten the much needed nausea medication).

"Yoo hoo," Goku continued. He had started to wave his hand back and forth in front of Sanzo's face, thinking that he would eventually smack it away like always. The desired result, however, was not given as Sanzo just sat then, mouth agape and eyes wide.

"Goku, though I commend you for trying," Hakkai began, "I don't think that that is working or helping."

"Really?"

"Geez, he looks like he's seen a ghost or something," Gojyo said to add some dramatic irony into the mix.

"The poor thing," Seu cut in. "It must be because he's stunned by my incredible beauty."

Silence plus a double sweat drop.

"That's a good guess, but we're going to keep trying," Hakkai said.

"Maybe it's something he ate," Goku offered.

"Oh, I'm sure he'll be fine!" Seu said. "Goku, sweetie! Come and pack my things."

"Okay!"

Hakkai and Gojyo looked on dumbstruck as Goku happily trailed behind Seu. They thought that the kid would stick by his master during his time of being freeze framed, so to speak. Nobody moved until a minute after they heard the door slam shut.

"Did we say she could come with us?" Gojyo asked Hakkai.

"We must have unintentionally given her that idea," Hakkai answered. "Should we go and straighten things out?"

"Hell yeah!"

"Gojyo, I'm surprised! I would think that you would use her for at least one night!"

"And I would think that you would give me more credit than that! Besides, any blind guy can see that she's crawling with STDs."

"Yes, I know. Well, I guess I'll go and break that news to the poor girl. I trust you'll take good care of Sanzo?"

Gojyo looked at Sanzo as some drool made its way down the monk's chin before saying, "Of course ya' can!"

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

Knock! Knock! Knock!

"Goku?" Hakkai called through the door. "I need to discuss something with Miss Mary!"

"Yes?" Seu, instead of Goku, said as she opened the door. She fluttered her long, mascara painted eyelashes at him, appearing as though she wanted something from him. Hmmm.

"Um," Hakkai began, backing up just a bit, "it's about you traveling with us."

"Oh, you don't have to thank me!"

"And you don't have to worry about that. Anyway, I'm sorry I have to tell you this, but I'm afraid we can't have you join us on our journey."

"What!" Goku exclaimed, popping up with an armload of lacey bras and panties.

Good lord, Goku. Have some pride, Hakkai thought.

"Who gave you permission to decide?" Goku continued. "She could be a huge help! She said she has the power to destroy Gyumaoh! So why can't she come?"

"… Uh, we don't have enough room?" That was the best Hakkai could come up with without upsetting Goku.

"That's a dumb reason!"

"Goku," Seu said putting up her hand as if she were a Buddha, which she obviously thought she was. "Let me talk to Hakkai alone, please? I think I know what's going on."

"Well, okay." Goku then quietly left the room with the bras and panties.

Poor Hakkai was left all alone with the creature called Seu Mary. As she looked out the window in a sad attempt to make it seem like a dramatic moment, Hakkai got the nasty view of her outfit. It had changed since Sanzo had been stuck with the girl (Hakkai doesn't remember her, just a reminder!). This time she had on a jacket that would have been fine if it had not stopped just barely below her ass, giving a the Guinness Book of World Records a record breaker for shortest mini, and the top opening up with her chest bursting out and the only thing covering it was some tape. It made Hakkai think of Yaone for a second, but then he felt bad for comparing such a sweet young lady to Seu Mary.

"Hakkai," Seu suddenly said. "I know why you don't want me around…"

"… Oh?" Hakkai said. He thought Seu wanted him to say something since she just stopped and didn't continue. Must have been more for more drama.

"Yes." Another pause. "It's because I remind you of 'her', don't I?"

"I'm sorry, but who is 'her'?"

"Kanan."

Very few times has Hakkai's face been turned into a death glare that quickly. "Excuse me?"

Seu suddenly threw herself into Hakkai's chest and began sobbing hysterically. "I am so so-sor-ry! I know that-that my kindness reminds you of –hiccup- her! I just can't-can't help iiiiit! And blah blah blah…"

Hakkai had completely zoned out on what that bitch was saying and was frozen into place. All that was going through his mind can be summed up into one easy sentence!:

BURST INTO FLAMES!!!!!

"Can you please," Seu was saying once Hakkai decided to stop his death thoughts for a few seconds, "look past my personality and my beauty, and accept me?"

Hakkai slowly looked down. It is said that when he tried to smile to hide what he was really thinking, that you could hear gears squeaking. "I'll try," Hakkai ground out.

"Thank you so much! I know you won't regret me coming along!" Seu then skipped out of the room to retrieve Goku.

I know what you're thinking. Hakkai should have killed her or at least not let her come with them. Oh, but Hakkai had some other plans for Seu Mary. Some very non-Hakkai like thoughts were screaming through his head a mile a minute. Everything was going to happen all in good time.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

"Gojyo!" Hakkai shouted as he burst into the dining area, causing a few people to stare. But, hey, when did people NOT stare at them?

Gojyo jumped at Hakkai's raised voice and quickly stopped drawing on Sanzo's face. "H-Hey, I was just having some fun, Hakkai, and you never said to not-!"

"Do you have any idea what that BITCH Seu Mary just said to me!" Hakkai was acting very un-Hakkai.

"Uh, no?"

"The nerve of her! I swear, she will die in the worst possible way I can think of!"

"Whoa, man! Maybe you should sit down and breathe-?"

"I don't want to breathe!"

"Okay, okay! You don't have to if you don't want to. It's just that a lot of people are starting to look a little freaked out and you usually aren't that one to cause that."

Hakkai stopped and looked around. Yep, people were starting to either cower under their tables or shield their kids. Hakkai let out a slow breath and straightened his posture from the bent over like a maniac position he had previously been in.

"I-I'm terrible sorry, everyone," Hakkai quietly said. "I don't seem to be myself today. I hope I haven't ruined your meals… Please carry on."

"Good," Gojyo said, relieved that he wasn't with crazy Hakkai anymore. Guiding Hakkai to a chair next to Sanzo, he continued, "Now, why don't you sit down and drink some tea?"

"Yes… Tea sounds wonderful… Thank you, Gojyo…"

"No problem."

Though Hakkai's face appeared to be back to normal, Gojyo noticed that the man's hands kept shaking. He was about to ask about that when Goku and Seu made their presence known. Well, it was more like Seu. Goku was too busy being her pack mule.

"Hi everyone!" she screeched, causing a few dogs to howl and a couple children cry.

Suddenly, Sanzo snapped out of his funk and shot his head in the direction of the high sound. His eyebrow began to twitch.

"Gods, girl!" Gojyo exclaimed. "Do you have to so freakin' loud?"

"Hey, Sanzo's better!" Goku said when he saw he was looking in his direction. "Sanzo! Seu can come with us, right?"

Sanzo slowly looked from Seu and back to Goku, his eyebrow increasing in twitchiness. "Goku," he slowly began, "you know you're too old for imaginary friends. Now come one. We're leaving." With that, he slowly got up and made his way outside.

"Huh?"

"Just come on!"

Shrugging, Goku followed along with Seu and Hakkai, leaving Gojyo still sitting at the table with a very confused look on his face.

Before he went along with them, he mumbled, "What the hell is wrong with everyone?"

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

TBC

**A/N:** Well, Hakkai has lost it, Goku is in love, Sanzo is in denial, and Gojyo has no clue what is going on. I am having SO much fun with this!  That wasn't as good as some of my other endings, but I couldn't think of a better one.

You know what to do!

Please leave a review!

As always, CONSTRUCTIVE criticism is welcomed with little chibi plushies!


	4. The Crazy Just Keeps on Comin’

**Random Ramble:** Guess what happened to me on Thursday? I got freakin' **_hypnotized_**! I'd go into details, but… well… I either can't say much or have too much to say… I don't know which. But everybody should try it, it's freakin' AWESOME (hence my continuous use of the term "freakin'")! Onto Mary Sue bashing!

**WARNINGS:** Hmmmm, nope! Can't think of anything!

**Recap:** It seemed that Mary Seu had regenerated and rejoined the Sanzo-ikkou! The only problem is that Sanzo and Hakkai are acting very funny! Whatever shall Mary Seu-san (is it just me, or does "Mary Seu-san" sound like a type of sauce?) do to help these poor souls? Be her wonderful, adorable, loveable self, or course! Let's watch.

Chapter 4: The Crazy Just Keeps on Comin'

If there ever were a need for a gun shot, now was the time. Gojyo was about to go insane with everybody being so silent, minus Goku and Little Miss Thang. They would not shut the hell up! No, wait. Sanzo would also occasionally add something to the conversation. Usually is was something like, "How many times do I have to tell you to stop talking to your imaginary friend?" Or something.

However, Hakkai was what was really worrying Gojyo. The man kept his same smile on, like always, but if you really, and I mean REALLY, looked at him you would notice the split second death glares he was giving Seu in the rear view mirror. The first few times, Gojyo had thought it was his imagination. It wasn't until the, oh, sixtieth time that he figured that Hakkai had some issues going on with that girl. What, he didn't know.

"Hey, Hakkai," Gojyo finally said, taking the direct approach. "Something wrong?"

"W-Why no, Gojyo!" Hakkai answered in that same way he always did, minus the stuttering. "Whatever would give you s-such an idea? Heh heh."

"Uh-huh." Obviously this was going to take more than mere straight forward conversation.

So our favorite gigolo was forced to sit for the remaining travels to the next town listening to Seu manipulate Goku into thinking that he was in love with her and that they should spend the rest of their life together. Perhaps this was the one good time for Goku to be slow.

"But I just think, Goku dear," Seu was saying with a small blush trying to look like an innocent virgin (heh), "that you and I are perfect for each other. I mean, you were imprisoned for 500 years in a cave on some mountain, I was imprisoned for 1000 years in an cave under the sea!"

Gojyo opened his mouth to say something, but then thought better of it and decided to just let the lack of oxygen for that long a period of time be the reason for the her actions today.

"I don't know," Goku said. "I need to check with Sanzo first, ya' know? I don't think he'd like it if I just went off with you to rid the world of all things that are good and pure."

"Nonsense!"

"Goku, I have decided to get you help when we reach civilization," Sanzo suddenly cut in. "It's obvious to everybody that you've finally cracked."

Silence.

"I think I'm gonna take a nap," Gojyo slowly said. "You guys just go on with your regular lives, okay? And I stress 'regular'."

"Ha ha!" Hakkai laughed, right after a quick glare at Seu. "Gojyo, you're acting so strange today!"

"… Yeah."

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

On a normal day, Gojyo would be scoping out the new town's supply of supple, female flesh to please the demon in his pants. On a normal day, he would be purposely pissing Goku off for no reason aside from also pissing Sanzo off. On a normal day, he would not be forced to be a freakin' pack mule! That was Goku's job.

Then again, Seu had made his day not so normal. The little wench had been a thorn in his side ever since she had somehow managed to travel with them (he was still trying to figure out how the hell that happened (1)). Sure, at first he thought that perhaps the girl wouldn't be nearly as annoying as he had first thought or that she would just be killed in less than a day. Sadly, no demons had attacked them ever since Seu had come along. Gojyo was beginning to think that it was so they wouldn't have to deal with Mary's blabbering. Speaking of which, she was still talking.

"Oh, Gojyo!" she was saying. "It's so great that you and I get to bunk together!"

"Say wha?" (2) Gojyo mumbled from beneath all her suitcases.

"Didn't Hakkai tell you? He felt that Goku and I were too young to be sleeping together, so he said that I should sleep with you! What do you think?"

"I think that Hakkai is a devious bastard."

"What was that?"

"Nothing. Look, where the hell do you want your crap?"

"Oh, anywhere's fine."

"Okay then." Gojyo was about to drop her shit right where he was standing, until-

"Buuuuuut, I would like to have my clothes neatly organized by color, style, brand, price, and material, and if you would be so kind as to put my collection of rare and useless crap over on that shelf, and it is so stuffy in here! Open that window, pretty please? Oh, and be a dear and get me a soda, not too fizzy, now, diet not regular, and could you go buy me some satin sheets with matching comforter, pillow cases, and canopy? You got all that, right?"

"… Fuck you, whore!"

And with that, Gojyo dropped her crap and stomped out of their, I mean HIS room.

Son of a bitch! he thought. Who the hell does Hakkai think he is, making me sleep in the same room as that… that… Crap! I've run out of words for her! Whatever, man! I guess I'll just go explain a little thing about being considerate of others to Hakkai! Wow, never thought that would have to happen.

Seeing how Hakkai and Goku's room ("Why the hell did that monk get his own room?") was next door, it didn't take long for Gojyo's fist to connect with the door a good many times.

"Gojyo," Hakkai said as he opened the door, "is something the matter?"

"Ya' think?" Gojyo nearly shouted. "Why the hell did you say that little hussy could room with me? Are you insane?" (3)

"Well, I just assumed that you would want to fool around with her-"

"That's very generous of you, Hakkai, and it is very much appreciated, but come on! I thought I asked you to give me more credit than that! God! She doesn't shut up, she thinks she's the greatest thing since sliced bread (4), her clothes shouldn't even be considered clothes, she-! "

"Hey, quit talking bad about Seu!" Goku interrupted. "You just need to get to know her, you guys! I mean, she's really-!"

"Shut up, monkey!" Gojyo yelled as he hurled Goku out the window, a loud scream being left behind.

Hakkai merely looked at the flying monkey before turning back to speaking with Gojyo. "I completely understand your distress, Gojyo, believe me." A look of pure, unadulterated evil crossed Hakkai's face after that. "However, Sanzo doesn't seem to be in a proper state of mind at this point in time and we don't want Goku to be forced into something that he is too young for. Do you understand?"

"I understand that we all hate this chick but she is traveling with us for some unknown reason! We don't know the first thing about her, do we? Her story keeps changing! She's said that her father was a god then a half demon!"

"I think that the half demon was her third mother twice removed."

"Whatever! My point is that she is useless!"

"Now, now, Gojyo, don't worry! I'll take care of _everything_."

"…?"

"Hm, I think I'll go fetch Goku before he gets lost… Though, that may have already happened."

And so Hakkai ventured off into the unknown leaving Gojyo to fume. Yes, he was still ticked about the room arrangements, so he threw himself onto Hakkai's bed in hopes of making an indention. Okay, so it wasn't the greatest revenge, but give the guy a break!

Speaking of break, it sounded as though he broke something on his collision with the bed. Starting to worry since he didn't want to make Hakkai upset, just mess with him (5), he looked around to see what he hit.

After lifting up the mattress, he found a book. But this wasn't a book that you read. The cover indicated that it was a diary. Gojyo was more confused than ever at that. Since when did Hakkai keep a diary, or have the privacy to write in it for that matter?

Deciding that reading a few pages of Hakkai's would be enough justice for him, Gojyo quickly flipped to the earliest entry, chock full of anticipation.

_Dear Diary, _

_Today, I have met the most horrid creature on the face of the planet, and her name is Seu Mary. The little slut actually thought that she reminded me of Kanan! How dare that bitch do such a thing! I swear on all things that are holy, Seu Mary shall die by my hands! Bwa ha ha ha ha haaaa!_

_Now the question is how shall it be done? Perhaps I shall break her back to make her paralyzed and then do every horrible thing imaginable to her while she is still awake? No, she won't be able to feel the pain, then. OH! Maybe I could draw and quarter her while she is lit on fire? Hm, that one will be a back up just in case I can't think of anything else._

_Oh, I need to go get some chocolate chips right now before I forget. I'm making cookies!_

Gojyo shut the book after that deciding that that was enough reading for now.

"That explains a lot, though," he said.

"Gojyo!" somebody shouted as they threw open the door.

Tossing the diary back under the mattress and doing a terrible job at making it look as though the mattress was lifted up just for the heck of it, Gojyo whirled around to see Sanzo standing in the doorway with a very twitchy look on him.

"What's up?" was all he could say to this.

Slowly, Sanzo walked into the room, his eyes shifting left to right and hand closing in around his gun. Gojyo was getting really sick of being confused 90 of the time, right about then.

"Do you see her?" Sanzo suddenly asked.

Though, it wasn't even what you would consider a whisper, so Gojyo responded,

"What?"

"THAT GIRL! DO YOU SEE HER?" Sanzo now had Gojyo pinned against the wall with his gun pressed to his Adam's apple.

"No, man! What the fuck is wrong with you!"

"She's here! I know she is and I am going to blow her brains out and make sure she's dead then burn her remains! Do you hear me!"

"… Okay, maybe you should sit down and we'll have a nice little talk-"

"THERE!"

Sanzo tossed Gojyo aside and released a barrage of bullets onto a lamp, quickly shattering it to pieces. Gojyo just sat there, pondering his situation.

Right, so Hakkai and Sanzo have both lost it and the monkey is just plain blind, he thought. I guess that that means I'm the only sane one. Wonder if I get to sit in the front, now?

"What the hell are you doing, Sanzo!" Gojyo heard Goku screech. It seemed that he had returned with Hakkai after all. Gojyo must not have thrown him that far.

"I'm trying to get rid of her!" Sanzo yelled back, gun still shooting despite the logic that it was probably out of bullets.

"Who is 'her'?" Hakkai calmly asked, eyes telling a different story, though.

"That Seu Mary girl! She's working with Homura, I know it! Come on out, bitch!"

Yeah, where was that bitch?

"Sanzo, if you don't calm down, I'm afraid we're going to have to resort to drastic measures. Do you understand?"

"Open your eyes, man! It's so obvious that he sent her here! I mean, she came back to fucking life after I fucking killed her! How else could that have happened?"

"None of us know what you're talking about!" Goku shouted (all of the screaming was giving Gojyo a head ache).

"THEN DIE!"

While Hakkai and Goku wrestled Sanzo to the ground, Gojyo just stayed in his position against the wall on the floor. By that time, he had come to the conclusion that Seu Mary had to go not only for his own pleasure, but for the sake of the world.

If things kept going the way they were, Gyumaoh would be resurrected and the entire world would be in danger, all because of some annoying Seu Mary.

In the meantime, though, it was very amusing to see Sanzo wrapped up in bed sheets fashioned to be a stray jacket.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

**I know what you all are thinking! "I thought that Sanzo was in denial about Seu being back?" I'll explain that later.**

1.) To be perfectly honest, I don't know how the hell it happened either. We'll just leave it to Goku giving Hakkai and Gojyo puppy dogs eyes.

2.) Yes, "wha" is supposed to be "wha" and not "what."

3.) I wish I could have put a question mark and an exclamation mark there (and in numerous other places), but won't let me. 

4.) Whether or not they have sliced bread in this universe is beyond me. I don't notice what foods they're eating, but if any rabid Saiyuki fan out there has recorded evidence of sliced bread in the anime or manga, feel free to inform me of such a thing.

5.) I can see Gojyo wanting to mess with Hakkai for revenge of some sort, but I think he would feel bad if he broke something of Hakkai's, you know? I could be wrong, though.

**A/N:** And so ends another chapter. A day later than I would have hoped, but we can't be on time all the time. Not that there's a dead line for this. I just prefer to post things on the weekends. Any who, I think this chapter is not my greatest merely for the fact that I find Gojyo hard to write when he's not being a lady chaser. I don't know why!

**Reason for not so much Seu:** I am very close to coming up with an actual plot! So, this is a set up thing.

Next chapter I am shooting for Goku main.

You know what to do!

Please leave a review!

As always, CONSTRUCTIVE criticism is welcomed with warm kitties, courtesy of Sanzo! … Is that the correct "courtesy"? It looks wrong and my spell check is a piece of crap…


	5. Controlled Monkeys Don’t Stand a Chance

**Hakkai:** -taps foot- …Well?

**Kalili:** -sigh- I'm sorry.

**Hakkai:** To who?

**Kalili:** Everyone.

**Hakkai:** And why are you sorry?

**Kalili:** Because…

**Hakkai: **Go on.

**Kalili:** … Because I haven't updated in two weeks for the fact that I was posting then updating another story in a different section, don't hurt me!

**Hakkai:** There now, doesn't that feel nice to get off of your chest?

**Kalili:** Ch. So, now **warnings** for this chapter are just that it has gone FULLY ON CRACK and is in desperate need of rehab that will be applied once we are done with this chapter. Seriously, I started this out with no warnings but then was like, "Dude, this beginning is a total 180 from where I was." So yeah. Crack.

**Recap:** On the last installment of "The Merry Adventures of Seu Mary!" Seu was dealt an unjustly card by getting almost no screen time! GASP! Meanwhile, Gojyo discovered his utter adoration for Seu! (**Gojyo:** WHAT!) I wonder what Seu will achieve next? Only one way to find out!

Chapter 5: Controlled Monkeys Don't Stand a Chance Against Fans

Goku was emo. That was the only way to put his inner mind. He was fully aware of what was going on, but had no way of stopping himself from kissing Seu's ass to no end. He really didn't want to and quite frankly, who would? The thing was nasty! Figuratively speaking, of course.

Then there was Sanzo. Hell. That was the only way to put what Goku would be going through once he broke free of the she-devil's curse so as to keep this story rated K+. Goku mentally shuddered at his imagination, which was very interesting to observe when one is trapped in one's mind. But that reflection would have to wait for another time. Goku had better things to do. Like… float. He couldn't look into his past due the enormous door stopping him, so yeah. Float.

However, Goku then remembered he could always watch himself be humiliated. He didn't exactly want to, but floating was fully overrated. So doing whatever needed to be done to see what one is doing when not in control (he didn't understand any of this crap either, so just roll with it) he looked into the outside world.

And what a sight it was to behold! Sanzo was sitting in the front of Hakuryu, as always, but this time he was wrapped up in what appeared to be a blanket that was acting as a straight jacket. It seemed to be doing a fairly decent job seeing as how much Sanzo was moving around. Oh, how Goku wished he could be there in physical form. Yet at the same time thought it better to stay put so as not to let his mouth get away with him and earn some unwanted skull injury.

"Sanzo, if you keep moving like that we're going to have to knock you out," Hakkai scolded. Goku noticed that something was amiss with the guy, but was too entertained by psycho Sanzo to care. He looked like he was trying to bite his ear the way his head was jerking around.

"You do, I will kill you in the slowest most painful way I can come up with of which would not take too long!" Sanzo yelled.

Well, Goku thought (once again, very interesting when one is in one's thoughts), at least he's still able to threaten people. Guess that means he's not too far gone. Wonder how much of him was there to begin with, though? Hmmm.

"Yo, monk!" Gojyo said. "You want a smoke? That might calm you down!"

This didn't look good.

"Give it here, asshole!" Sanzo answered, head snapping as far back as possible without breaking it.

"Oka-! Oh, wait. You can't or else your straight jacket will catch fire! Not that there would be any big loss, though."

"Die! Die! Die! Die!"

Goku was VERY glad he was not there physically. This was scary. And not the regular scary that he was subject to the majority of the time he was stuck with Sanzo, no. This was the scary in which he actually believed Sanzo would kill him. He never really thought Sanzo would truly want him dead, though. I mean, Sanzo couldn't live without him! Right?

"Stop it!" Seu suddenly felt she needed to be the freakin' pacifist and bring whatever peace there was before back. Such a silly girl. "You two need to stop fighting or else this entire friendship will be ripped apart by the seams! Do you really want that?"

"Yes!" Sanzo offered. "I hate every damn one of you with the passion of a thousand fiery suns and I will make sure that you, damn wench, will be the brunt of my wrath of which you have spurred!"

Wow, that was kind of poetic. In a weird, maybe incorrect way. Goku was impressed with Sanzo. He also had to admit his impression of Seu. No one except maybe Homura had ever pissed Sanzo off so much. Just then, a light bulb went off in front of Goku's face (a literally symbol for an idea, apparently when one is, ah! you know). Homura! He must have sent such an evil into their close group in order to tear them apart! What other villain could think of such a twisted way to destroy them?

He had to tell Sanzo and the others. Goku knew that once he showed them that he was just being controlled that Sanzo would immediately come out of his crazy state and go back to being… well, _less_ crazy. First off, though, he needed to figure out how the hell he was going to get out of his mind and back to not having to be stuck in such an annoying place (too much thinking, dontcha know). But how? Hmmm.

"Oh, Goku!" Seu was saying. "It's so wonderful that we've met! You and I make up the most loveable couple in all of fandom!"

"Of course we do!" controlled physical form Goku said. "I especially love what you've done with your hair!"

"Since when did Goku care about hair?" Gojyo whispered to Hakkai. Hakkia merely nodded sporadically.

"Why thank you, Goku!" Seu said. "I felt like blonde was much more appropriate. Now what about my eyes?"

"Beautiful!" C.P.F. Goku said. "I love the color purple!"

"AAAAAAAAH!" Sanzo screamed.

"You know what, Seu?" C.P.F. Goku continued, acting as though Sanzo was not screaming in a maniac like manner.

"What, Goku?" Seu said.

"I think that you're-"

The real Goku held his breath, not liking where this was going.

"-my-"

"Don't say it!" real Goku shouted.

"-new-"

"No! I'll kill you!"

Slowly, the word rolled off of C.P.F. Goku's tongue in that deep and weird sound. "-suuuuuuuuuun."

"Dumbass," real Goku muttered.

After that statement, another part of Sanzo snapped. However, this one involved his bodily strength. What Goku witnessed next was like the incredible Hulk ripping out of his shirt and a few parts of his purple pants, only this was Sanzo ripping out of his straight jacket with a terrifying war cry. Also, his robes were still on, to the disappointment of his fan girls (and probably a few fan boys).

Hakkai quickly veered off of the nonexistent road from the shock causing everybody to go flying in many different directions, except for Sanzo who had tackled C.P.F. Goku out of the jeep already. Sanzo then proceeded to open up the long overdue can of whoop ass with his fan on the boy, shouting many obscenities to him.

Somewhere during this show of child abuse, C.P.F. Goku ceased to exist and was replaced by the real Goku who everyone knows and loves. C.P.F. Goku most likely couldn't handle such damage to his head. What a pansy.

"Sanzo!" Goku shouted in between differently placed concussions. "You! Really! Do! Care!"

Sanzo stopped mid-cursing to stare at the monkey. "What?" he said after a while.

"I didn't think you cared so much to be pissed off about some fake me calling that bitch my new sun, but your obvious show of jealousy is proof! Yay!"

Sanzo's jaw dropped to the ground at a certain memory.

_I know that I can add so much to this little group and have all of you **realize your true feelings!**_

"Son of a bitch," Sanzo whispered as he plopped himself onto the hard desert floor and stared off into the horizon.

"This is great!" Goku kept talking during his distressed silence. "Now you'll finally treat me like an equal, right? And we can spend so much time together eating and staying up late talking! It will be so much fun! Right, Sanzo? … Sanzo?"

"Son of a bitch." Sanzo began to slowly take his gun out and raise it to his temple.

"Holy crap! I didn't mean it, Sanzo!" Goku quickly snatched up the monk's fan and began hitting his head with it. "See? See, Sanzo? Just forget everything I just said and we can go back to normal, okay?"

"It's not that easy, Goku."

"What? Why not? Just gimme a good whack across the head and it will be just like the good ol' days! Well, kind of, since you just hit me two days ago. But that is a pretty long time when you think about how often you do hit me, so I guess it would be like the good ol' days, ya' know? Sanzo? SANZO!"

"God damnit, monkey! Shut the hell up, already!" That was when Sanzo reverted back to his good ol' self and hit Goku across the head out of pure annoyance. And the world was good. Except for one rather irritating problem.

"Yoo Whoo!" Seu called from a few yards away. "Goku, sweetie! Did that mean ol' nasty monk hurt you, snooky wooky wookums butt?"

Goku quickly grabbed Sanzo's wrist and pointed the gun at Seu and shouted, "Kill her, Sanzo! Kill her!"

"You don't have to tell me twice," Sanzo mumbled as he jerked his hand away.

"Hold it!" Hakkai said, placing himself between Seu and Sanzo. "We can't just go and kill her! She's much too important to our mission!"

There was a group, "Huh?" at that point (excluding dearest Seu, of course).

Hakkai grabbed Gojyo and rushed over to where Sanzo and Goku were situated while saying to Seu, "We need to have some boy talk for a bit, okay?"

"Oh, that's okay! Me and Hakuryu here will just play." Poor Hakuryu tried to escape but was unable to before Seu got her kung foo (1) grip of deathly hugs on him.

"Hakkai, what the hell is wrong with you?" Sanzo said in his normal I'm-so-pissed-off-I-can't-even-yell-at-you.

"I've been wondering that for the past day," Gojyo said.

"I assume, Goku, that you are back to normal?" Hakkai asked. Goku nodded. "Good. Now I can tell you all without worrying about that damn whore. We don't have much time here, so all the details will have to be explained later at whatever inn we're staying at. All I can tell you is that Seu Mary must die!"

Silence.

"Well, duh," Gojyo said.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

1.) I don't know whether that's the correct form of "foo" but spell check wouldn't tell me.

**A/N:** And now Goku is back to normal! Yes, that was the first thing I have ever written that was so twisted. Goku in his mind, floating, while his physical self was being controlled by an evil Mary Sue. I've read crackier, but this is a stretch for me, even though majority of my fics are humor (I'm a laugher, not an angster). And still not a lot of Seu, but this is just set up, still. Yeah, that's a good excuse. Plus, it's a lot of fun writing everybody's reactions.

You know what to do!

Please leave a review!

As always, CONSTRUCTIVE criticism is welcomed with Sanzo in his hot leather top! Or without, whatever.


	6. Questions? This’ll Help

**A/N:** -sigh- My last football game of my high school career was last Friday. –sigh- Oh well, least now I got my Fridays back! Tragically, none of my other friends do due to the fact that they are all over freakin' achievers who insisted on taking all honor or AP classes. Now, I can see the point of those, but come on! It's our senior year and we should enjoy it! Whatever. At least you wonderful readers and/or reviewers get another update of this!

**Warnings: **Screw it, if someone has been insulted by something I've said (and they'd have to be a bigger prick than Sanzo, 'cause I have kept my language clean for the most part) then they would not have read this far.

**Recap:** Seu got to happily play with her special animal friend, Hakuryuu! Meanwhile, Hakkai had some boy talk with the rest of Seu's traveling band. Wonder what they were talking about?

Chapter 6: Questions? This'll Help

It had been a pleasant ride into the next pit stop for the Sanzo-ikkou. That is, if you subtract all of Seu's constant flapping of the jaw with noises coming out, then, yes. Wonderful ride, indeed. Only Goku had complaints to share with the rest of the group once they stopped, but it was mainly because he hadn't gotten his chance to fully voice them yet, unlike the other three sexy men.

"Seriously, she is the most annoying thing on the planet!" he was whispering to Sanzo while the monk checked almost everyone in (Goku had decided to reestablish him being overly obsessed with Sanzo by taking a similar oath to that of postal workers, only with an added "to Sanzo" somewhere in there).

"If you think that this is news to me, then you're dead wrong," Sanzo hissed back. "And I emphasize 'dead.'"

"Ah, come one, Sanzo! Just humor me!"

"No."

"But you care about me, right? You've already proved it!"

Sanzo began to reach for his gun again.

"HA! I'm right! So anyway, how're we gonna get away from Seu long enough for Hakkai to tell us how we're gonna kill her?"

"That's an easy one, monkey boy!" Gojyo said as he popped up out of no where. "Just leave it all to me!"

"You're not actually going to stoop so low as to sleeping with her, are you?" Goku asked, absolutely horrified.

"Gods! Why does everyone think that I'm just some pervert who just wants to have sex with as many girls as he can? It's insulting! I mean, I have standards, people! I won't do just any chick!"

"… Okay, sure."

"… Right… Yo, Hakkai!"

Hakkai turned around from where he was talking to some people and said after giving them a polite bow, "Yes?"

"You got the goods?"

"Of course! Here you go." Hakkai quickly handed Gojyo a balled up piece of foil. Looking back at the people he was talking to, it seemed he had somehow convinced them to give him some of the foil from their wrapped up sandwiches. Normally, this kind of question would raise eyebrows and cause people to wonder what kind of kinky crap this guy was going to do, but come on. It was Hakkai. And if he asked you politely enough with that smile of his, you'd give him your just bought Play Station 3 (in theory). And I quote, "I think Hakkai is a devious bastard," end quote (Gojyo, chapter 4, "The Merry Adventures of Seu Mary!").

Back to the lobby, Sanzo and Goku stared at this odd gift. What kinky crap was going on here? Tsk tsk, such perverted minds.

Goku was the first to speak. "Um, hey, what're you guys gonna do with that?"

Gojyo tossed the ball of foil in the air and caught it to probably add drama to his words, then said, "Just watch and learn. Yoo hoo! Seeeuuu!"

"Yes?" Seu called from where she was terrorizing some poor children who just wanted their dolls to be blessed by the great Genjo Sanzo… poor, poor children.

"Look!" –Gojyo held up the foil ball- "It's shiny! Go fetch!" He proceeded to throw the ball out the window and into the town. Seu squealed with delight and did a prissy run to the outside world. You know the run.

Sanzo and Goku stared on with looks of disbelief plastered on their faces. It was so obvious, but so not obvious at the same time.

"Alright, now if we'll just have our little talk about killing her before she gets back?" Hakkai offered. It was always so interesting to hear him say such things in such a nice way and with such a wonderful smile.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

The four sexy men quickly made their way to one of the rented rooms, making sure to be under the code names of Mister Purple, Mister Red, Mister Green, and Mister Gold in order to confuse the girl once she came back. (1)

"I first want to thank you all for coming and uniting against such a worthy cause," Hakkai said. Goku quickly raised his hand. "Yes, Goku?"

"Um, I was just wondering," he began, "why can't we just get into Hakuryuu and run before she gets back?"

"Excellent question! You see, if we were to let Seu run rampant in the streets, who knows what damage she might cause? It is our duty to save this world from Gyumaoh, but if we don't kill Seu Mary and all beings like her, what would be the point? Also, I will not rest until I see her blood dripping from my hands! … Does that answer your question?"

"… Uh-huh."

"Good! Let us begin. I have some good news and some bad. What should be first? Hmmmm."

"We don't care!" Sanzo said. "Just get on with it!"

"Okay. Let's start with the bad. So the bad news is that I have not found a way to actually kill her, yet."

"WHAT?!" Sanzo, Goku, and Gojyo yelled.

"You get us all excited about finally getting to be able to kill her and now you tell us you don't know how?" Gojyo said. "That's sick and twisted, man!"

"I hate you, Hakkai!" Goku was crying. Sanzo just glared (did he really need to say anything? No, he's freakin' Genjo Sanzo).

"I was fully aware that this would be how you three would react," Hakkai said. "But just hear me out, please?"

"… Fine," Sanzo grumbled. He was willing to listen to anything good that involved death to Seu Mary.

"Thank you. Now I know how upset you all are, but don't worry! I have a theory. Sanzo, didn't you when you were, let's just say, vacant in total sanity that you had already killed her?"

"Sure."

"Well, seeing how Goku was being controlled I think that we can safely say that Sanzo was actually correct in this. And Goku, you say that you remember being controlled by Seu?"

"Yeah," Goku said.

"Can you tell us anything on how she was able to do that?"

"Um, well that last thing I remember before going into my head was Seu's eyes flashing. It was kind of creepy."

"I see. So that backs up my theory of her eyes being the center of her power."

"Hey, I gotta question," Gojyo said, raising his hand.

"Yes, Gojyo?"

"How come Goku remembers being controlled but you and me don't, assuming that we were?"

"Mind you, this is all in theory, but I do believe it was because it was the second time Goku was put under her control so he had built up a small immunity to it, but not enough to release his self from her. Does that help any?"

"I guess, but it kind of sounds like someone who wrote themselves into a corner and is just trying to think of an easy way out of it." (2)

"Well, it is just a theory."

"Whatever," Sanzo said. "Just tell us how you plan on killing her?"

"Like I said, I don't know how to kill her without her coming back."

"Okay, but you ARE saying that we can kill her?"

"Yes, but I don't see-"

"That's all I need right now."

The other sexy men looked on at Sanzo before they heard "it." That's right, the sound of ridiculously high hooker boots making their way down the halls. Everyone held their breath as they watched in horror the knob to their room turn. Slowly, the door creaked open, revealing-

"HI, I'M BACK!" Seu Mary. "AND I GOT THE SHINY THING!"

"DIE, BITCH!" Sanzo shouted. He then took out his gun and filled her full of lead (again). Hakkai, Gojyo, and Goku watched in giddy amusement as Seu's body convulsed on the ground.

After Sanzo caught his breath, Hakkai asked, "Sanzo? Why did you kill her when you know she's probably just going to come back?"

"Why not?" Sanzo said. "Might as well have fun doing it before we figure out how to get rid of her sorry ass for good."

Hakkai, Gojyo, and Goku paused for a second before turning to each other with grins as if it were Christmas morning.

TBC

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1.) I love Reservoir Dogs! Such a good movie.

2.) Oh, how right Gojyo is.

**A/N:** Kind of boring, but I realized I needed to answer some questions I kind of made without knowing it. But at least now the Saiyuki gang can have some fun with her! Oh, and I am fully aware that Goku did not mention Homura. That's for later.

**IMPORTANT QUESTION!:** I already have an idea for chapter 7, but I need permission to use some people's fanfics that have OC's in them. More details if you allow me to! Thank you.

You know what to do!

Please leave a review!

As always, CONSTRUCTIVE criticism will welcomed with a now naked Sanzo! WHOO!


	7. Things are Looking Up! Then Down

**A/N: I am so pissed.** My sister won't come to my Christmas concert (my last one, btw!) just because she has work! She's freakin' 20! Heaven forbid she skip work one day out of the YEAR she's been working at Lowes! –sigh- On the plus side, I'm in the perfect mind set to write Mary Sue deaths.

**IMPORTANT NOTE!:** In response to one of my review that asked if Seu's eyes were the source of her power, why didn't they just poke them out. Her power in her eyes is hypnotism and if they poke them out, she could maybe die (isn't it like a 50/50 chance? I don't know, I read it in Tsubasa Chronicles (Hyuu!)) but then she would just come back to life, complete with eyes and hypnotism. Hope that explains things a bit better! (I couldn't think of how to incorporate that into the story properly).

**END:** I know how I'm going to end it, but because this is so much fun to write, I don't think I'll be ending it any time soon.

**Recap:** While the boys went off and did whatever it is men do when they're alone (a/n: hmmmmm), Seu got to go on a quest to retrieve the shiny foil ball of wonder that Gojyo had accidentally dropped. But when she got back, Sanzo must have mistaken her for a demon because he killed her. Hope she comes back!

**-cracks knuckles- Let's kill some Mary Sues.**

Chapter 7: Things are Looking Up! Then Down.

Bearing his claws in all of his scary as hell glory, Hakkai glared at his prey. He licked his fangs in anticipation, savoring the moment. Releasing a howl to the full moon (1), he charged at his prey, quickly slicing her abdomen open to let the intestines spill to the ground. She promptly fell over in pain and scrambled to put her guts back into her opened stomach. Hakkai merely cut her hands off, making her use bloody stumps. Seeing that his prey was so determined, he began to shred the intestines to tiny pieces, laughing at her the entire time. Only a few seconds later, the acids had taken it's toll on the prey, and she slowly and painfully died.

With a satisfied grin on, Hakkai turned around and bowed to his audience.

"Very creative!" Gojyo said above all the applause. "Cutting her guts up while she was trying to put 'em back in was just brilliant, man!"

"Why thank you, Gojyo!" Hakkai said, after replacing his limiters onto his ear. "I was afraid that it was a bit too much, actually."

"Nope!" Goku said. "I give it a 9.5!" –he held up the score card at that point- "I took off the .5 'cause you didn't maker her cry."

"It looked like she would," Gojyo said. "But then it turned into muted screams. No tears, though."

"I'll have to remember that next time," Hakkai mumbled. "So what's the score, Sanzo?"

"I'm in the lead," was all Sanzo said. This, naturally, brought about complaints.

"No freakin' way!" Gojyo yelled. "All you did was shoot her! I threw her limbs throughout the whole damn room and some out the window, Hakkai just shredded her insides, and the monkey nawed her fuckin' face off! How the hell did you win?"

"Simple. I've killed her twice."

"New round!" Goku proclaimed. "And this time we get new scores and Hakkai is the point keeper!"

"Just in time, too!" Hakkai said. Behind them, Seu was regenerating. To the sexy man beasts' displeasure, it actually was a fascinating sight. It wasn't anything all holy and pansy looking with a bright light like most scenes of regeneration are. Nope, this showed the entire body crumpling into one big, fleshy mass of nasty, complete with gurgling sounds. All of the torn tissue, blood, and whatever else was out of place came crawling back to the largest body part of Seu that was left to create the mass, which would then turn into a mound of bubbling muscles, veins, nerves, bones, you name it! Of course, the nastiest part was when it finally morphed back into Seu.

What was even more interesting to see, though, was what unoriginal form she would take next. The last one had been in the likeness of Kanan (hence Hakkai going so far as to take off his limiters), the one before that had claimed to be Gojyo's real mother, and the one before that was a girly looking Goku. Not pretty.

As the new Seu formed, the Sanzo-ikkou quickly covered their eyes to avoid any hypnosis for when she opened hers, knowing that it only worked when she opened them for the first time. After giving it a minute, they uncovered their eyes and were a tad bit disappointed. She didn't appear to be looking like any of them. Then again, that was probably a good thing. However, the boys exchanged a look of knowing, and waited on edge for her to open her mouth, which, of course, did not take long.

"Oh my!" Seu said, blushing and bringing a hand up to slightly cover her mouth. "What on earth am I doing in a room full of men!"

It seemed that she was playing the "innocent virgin" card. Quite predictable, really. Thanks to an explanation by Gojyo, they had learned that women come in very limited forms. There were the sluts, the sluts who weren't actually sluts at all but helpless women in need of rescue, the helpless women who just stand there if a boulder the size of Texas is coming down to smash them at an unbearably slow pace, the ones who claim to need no man's help but actually do, and the shy ones, as we see with this Seu. There were more, but Sanzo got sick of listening to Gojyo speak and you all can probably guess what happened.

But back to what was taking place.

"I guess that I should introduce myself, then?" Seu was still talking. "Well, my name is Seu Mary and it's a pleasure." She quickly curtseyed and turned around to cover her blushing face. "I work here, you see, and-"

"Nobody cares!" Goku shouted. He summoned his Nyo-Boi and charged full speed at Seu, complete with a war cry (they seemed to be quite popular this year). Once close enough to smell her blood, Goku stabbed his pole through her chest and pushed her up high enough to ram her repeatedly against the ceiling, causing blood and bit of plaster to rain down upon them. It was glorious.(2)

Once sure she was dead, Goku grinned happily at the others while she plummeted to the ground.

"I give it a 7.2," Gojyo said after much thought.

"Aw, come on!" Goku whined. "That was pure genius what you guys just saw!"

"I don't know," Hakkai said. "Admittedly, stabbing her with your stick was a much better choice than just beating her with it, like normal, but still…" Hakkai didn't want to hurt the poor boy's feelings so he didn't continue. He was just trying so hard!

Now, Sanzo, on the other hand, had no trouble in hurting his feelings. "Stabbing her through the chest was incredibly unoriginal. That was what made it suck."

"We never said it sucked!"

"I agree with the monk," Gojyo said, raising his hand. "You should have chosen a place that wouldn't kill her as fast. Like the shoulder. You'd still have had a good grip on her, but she would also still have a hell of a lot of pain to go through before she totally kicked the bucket."

"Awwwww," Goku sighed.

"What the hell is going on in there?" the inn's owner shouted as he slammed open their door. "I keep hearing screams of the most horrible kind and then I started to smell bloo- HOLY CRAP, WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING!"

The Sanzo-ikkou just looked at the inn keeper, then to the reforming Seu, then back to the inn keeper.

Being the sexy leader he was, Sanzo spoke on behalf of his followers. "Pure, unadulterated evil that is acting as our entertainment for the night."

Silence.

"Well take it outside!" the inn keeper said. "I can't have it scaring away my customers!"

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

After many a gun shots and cuss words, the four boys and the almost regenerated Seu were kicked to the curb for completely ruining a room with the stench of blood and hate.

"Where do we go now?" Goku asked.

"Well, it doesn't look like another inn will take us," Hakkai said. They all looked down the street to see the regular freaks you see at night running to get away from them. "We seem to have made our presence quite clear to the town once again!"

"Yeah, well where the hell are we supposed to sleep with that thing hanging around us?" Gojyo asked, indicating the thing behind him.

"We can't let her roam around, that's for sure."

"Maybe we can just kill her again and in the middle of her morphing, stuff her in the trunk," Sanzo suggested, light up a cigarette.

There was a group, "Hmmmm," at that point. Then-

"Who the hell are y'all?" a shrill voice said. The boys paid her no attention, though.

"That's doesn't sound like a bad idea," Hakkai said. "She would probably be stuck in the middle of it because of the tight space. But what about poor Hakuryuu?"

"I asked you assholes a question!" the new Seu continued. "And I expect you to answer me when I do or else you'll face the wrath of my twin blades!"

"Mm-hm," Gojyo said. "There's always knocking her unconscious every time she regains consciousness. It would save time and energy on our part 'til we can find a way to get rid of her completely."

"That does it!" Seu launched herself at the group, brandishing her newly created twin blades at them. Not really caring, they all just slightly moved out of the way. That was when things took a turn for the worst.

Seu was actually able to give Goku a small cut on the cheek.

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1.) I can just see demon Hakkai howling for some reason. Doesn't demon Goku, whose name I can't spell to save my life, howl?

2.) Just to let you know, all of these murderous thoughts are not towards my sister. Love her to death, seriously. I just finished Lord of the Flies, though, (good book, except my favorite character dies –sniff-) so I think that that might be a small helper in my kind of scary for me, mind.

**A/N:** Hopefully, that ending was a bit of a shocking cliff hanger. Thanks go out to chaosbfly who pointed out my decrease in proper grammar usage. Thank you! Hope this is better!

**NOTE!:** About the permission to use other people's OC's, I meant to say that I wanted permission to mention the STORY. I won't make fun of it, just… well, you'll see!

You know what to do!

Please leave a review!

As always, CONSTRUCTIVE criticism is welcomed with… ummmmm… happy plot bunnies… yeah, I'm running out of ideas. Any suggestions?


	8. The Annoying Torch is Passed

**A/N:** Sorry for the long wait for updating. I had the idea, but I just couldn't properly execute it. Also, I've become obsessed with "Tsubasa Chronicles" mainly because it's CLAMP and anyone out there who's read at least 1 series of theirs, knows what I mean when I say that it is currently at the WTF?! part. I heart Fai/Kurogane so much!

Anyway, **WARNINGS!** I've used a bit more profanity in this chapter. Sorry if it offends anyone, for some odd reason.

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"So then I had ta' teach those mother fuckahs a lesson and cut that one kid's cheek. Yeah, I bet they ain't nevah messin' wit' me again! An' now you guys won't have a problem wit' 'em eithah, 'cause I'm the greatest female double swordsman that there evah was! Yeah, boyee!" (1)

Yaone opened her mouth to say something, but Dokugakuji cleared his throat and shook his head. Lirin just stared, completely at a loss for anything to say and certainly didn't want to ask anything. That's what got them the two hour lecture. Kougaiji, however, did find something to say.

"… So, since you're wanting to join us, why don't you give us your scripture?"

"I've already told ya'! In order for us to properly resurrect Gyumakalaka-"

"Gyumaoh."

"- I need to keep my all important and a thousand times more powerful than Sanzo's scripture out of the sight of undeserving beings! If any one of you were to look upon it, you would be blown into hundreds of teeny tiny pieces! Still wanna get my scripture?"

"Yes."

We need to do a flashback, don't we?

UuUuUuUuUuUuUuU

"Dude! What the hell!" Goku yelled. "Why did you cut me?!"

"Because you weren't listening to me!" the newly reformed for Sue, said. "Now that I have proven my toughness despite being a woman, you all shall bow down to me and answer my questions!"

"That's not 'tough', that's psycho," Sanzo snapped.

"Trust him, the monk knows what he's talking about," Gojyo added, taking full advantage of everyone's attention only being on Sue at the moment.

"How dare you insolent fools speak to me in such a manner!" Sue ranted on. "I am carrying the most powerful scripture there ever was!"

"Not this crap again," Sanzo sighed.

"It is inscribed on a stone in the highest mountain temple that I, Sue Mary, am to use this scripture to save the world from the evil Gyo-mon."

"Gyumaoh," Hakkai corrected, sweat drop forming.

"My tale is one of tragedy, for I am to forsake my own life for the lives of the world. I must take my scripture to Mount India and throw it into the boiling molten lava, along with myself as the virgin sacrifice. That is why I carry around these two swords, you see, and am trained by the most skilled warriors. To protect my life and virginity. Oh, the countless men I have been forced to slay, all fallen victim to my irresistible beauty and charm. May their souls rest in peace."

While Sue actually went into further detail about her life story (despite her only being alive in that form for five minutes), the four hotties went into a huddle and began discussing their next course of action.

"She cut me!" Goku repeated. "She was actually able to cut me! Look, it's still bleeding and everything!"

"We get it, Goku," Sanzo hissed, "patience" obviously wearing thin.

"But if she was able to seriously make me bleed and everything, then that means that she might actually be able to fight for real!"

"Goddamnit! Where's some soap?! We are going to wash your mouth out right now!"

"Now's not the time," Hakkai said. "We need to think of a plan to get rid of her for good."

"No shit!"

"How about we cut her up and put her body parts in a freezer, or something?" Gojyo said.

"We can't do that. For one thing, we don't even have a mini fridge, let alone more than one freezer. Also, if we were to sneak into different peoples houses and put them in their freezers, they might have a heart attack from shock."

"Anyone who cares about other people at this point in time, please raise your hand."

Surprisingly, only Hakkia's hand went up. "Aw, come on! The whole point of our journey is for other people's safety! I've said this a thousand times already! If we let Sue Mary roam free then there would be no point in preventing Gyumaoh's resurrection."

"Which is why we chop her up and put her body parts in different people's freezers. Seriously, man, you're looking way too deep into this."

"I got an idea!" Goku said. "How about we buy a bunch of mini fridges! That way, we can have Sue's body parts under our watch at all times, AND keep our food longer!"

"No," Sanzo said.

"Why not?!"

"Many reasons. One of them being I don't want to have that bitch's body parts near my food. They'll spoil."

"Oh, yeah."

"The best solution I can come up with is sticking her with some other group," Hakkai said.

"Alright, but what people in their right minds would willingly let her tag along with them?"

"Sanzo!" a familiar voice bellowed. "I demand that you give us your scripture, or you shall be forced to face the consequences!" Savior angel, thy name is Kougaiji. Alone, oddly enough. Or perhaps it was for the better.

There was a pause before Sanzo turned around and said, "Okay. But I have a better idea. You see that girl behind us?"

Leaning to the side a bit, Kougaiji looked at the still babbling girl and said, "Yeah, what about her?"

"She has a scripture, too. A much more powerful one than the likes of mine, from what I understand. And she's much more than willing to join your little group, since she seems to despise us."

"It's true!" Hakkai said, seeming to get what Sanzo was doing. "Why, just look what she did to Goku here!"

"Yep!" Goku chirped. "I didn't stand a chance!"

"Able to harm Goku, huh?" Kougaiji said, taking that into consideration. Perhaps with her on our side, he thought, I might be able to get my mother back. I was never told I couldn't get another scripture, and if this one is more powerful than Sanzo's, it might work the same way and maybe even quicker. "Alright, you have a deal."

"Fantastic," Hakkai muttered. "Ms. Sue! Could you come here for a moment?"

"Can't you see I'm busy telling the world all about me?!" she screeched. "I haven't even gotten to the part where I had to kill my one true love, which turned me into the cold, uncaring being you see before you!"

"Well, you just did. So how about you come meet someone who thinks that you're the most beautiful person in the world but feels he is unworthy of being in your presence for fear of tainting you, and also thinks that you'd be a wonderful ally in… whatever it is you're doing."

"WHAT?!" Kougaiji shouted. "I never said that!"

But it was too late. Sue was already an inch away from his face and spouting off meant to be heart wrenching tales of her past, even though she said that it was too brutal of one for anyone's ears to be forced to listen to. Poor Kougaiji wasn't able to get a word in, and whenever he tried to punch her to shut her up, she just screamed before he actually made contact causing him to cover his adorably pointy and most likely sensitive ears in pain.

Meanwhile, Hakkai was guiding his group slowly away, saying, "Walk… walk… RUN!" And off they did, jumping into a waiting Hakuryuu and speeding away, yelling, "Faster, man!"

Kougaiji eventually realized that the Sanzo-ikkou had ulterior motives for sticking this girl with him. He was still wondering what they were by the time his own team mates had found him. Apparently, there was an all you can eat meat bun special a few buildings back and Lirin had insisted on not budging until she had done exactly what the sign had instructed. Yaone and Dokugakuji hadn't noticed when Kougaiji ran off when he sensed the Sanzo-ikkou.

"Who's she?" Dokugakuji said.

"Some chick those assholes stuck me with!" Kougaiji yelled above Sue's ongoing story. "But they said she has a scripture more powerful than Sanzo's so it might be worth putting up with her!"

"Hey," Lirin began, tapping Sue on the elbow, "What's your problem?"

"My problem?" Sue said, looking meaningfully into the moon to add some drama. And off she went.

UuUuUuUuUuUuUuU

"Like I said, it's way betta ta hang out wit' y'all 'cause now I can drop that 'goody-two-shoes' act, y'all feel me?"

"NO!" all four of the demons yelled, taking it as an actual invitation to feel her.

"Just give us your damn scripture!" Kougaiji yelled.

"I already tol' ja'! Psh, dumb asses."

Oh no she di'n't!

"WHAT?! Prepare to die, bitch!"

"Hold on!" Dokugakuji piped in before Kougaiji could launch himself at the girl. "She has a scripture, remember?"

"What's the point if she doesn't show it to us?!"

"I know, but she's extremely important."

"… What?" Kougaiji's vocabulary was being seriously limited today.

Pulling him to the side while Sue started telling Yaone how to dress even sluttier (2), Dokugakuji whispered, "Let's just go and get into a fight with the Sanzo-ikkou. That way, if things get drastic enough since she says she's one of the most powerful beings on the planet, she'll be forced to use her scripture and we can just take it!"

"You better be right." Kougaiji then turned back to Sue and said through gritted teeth, "I'm s… sor… SORRY for threatening your life."

"Are you sure?!" Yaone said, trying very hard to keep a gentle smile on. "I think there's still time!"

"Yes… I… am… suuure."

"Apology accepted," Sue said, looking very smug.

"I have an idea," Kougaiji continued, doing a horrible job of acting (good thing Sue was too busy being in her own little world to notice). "How about we go fight the Sanzo-ikkou?"

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

**1.) **Believe it or not, I just had to say most of this one paragraph out loud after getting into my "southern accent mode" (took FOREVER!). I am from the deep south (born and raised), but I don't really have an accent (though, one northerner did said I sounded like a southern bell, which I was shocked at). Anyway, yeah, minus the "yeah boyee" and other "gangsta" stuff. Reading it, I don't know how well it worked out, but I think I got my motives across. –_shrug_-

**2.)** I don't think Yaone is a slut, she just needs a better top. She's actually my favorite female character in Saiyuki! Wish I could have given her more lines.

**A/N:** This was hard. And I think it actually shows. Hope it was to everyone's liking!

You know what to do!

Please leave a review!

As always, CONSTRUCTIVE criticism is welcomed with a set of pointy Kougaiji ears of your very own!


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